19 August, 2005
The black art of food packaging
I'm sure there must be many people (hundreds, thousands even, if not millions) throughout the world who's job it is to design food packaging. Therefore, why after all these years can I still not open an own brand bag of peanuts from my local supermarket? These packets have a quite singular robustness that is normally reserved for products, that if they were accidentally released into the environment, would no doubt result in mass evacuation of the local population and the imposition of Marshall law to prevent the spread of contamination. For heaven's sake, there only peanuts.
Some might say, "use a pair of scissors", but my careful and considered response is, "I am man, I am stronger, I will prevail!".
So, after a concerted effort to pull the bag apart at the top you then notice that tiny little 'nick' that suggests an easy way in.
Oh be steady my eager heart!
Now this is exactly the wrong moment to take the easy access route because you are still 'pumped' from wrestling with the brute-force approach and what should have been a gentle twist turns out to be a clumbsy yank and look where that gets you. Two thirds of the precious contents are now scattered across the floor and the packet they came from is, how shall I put it, binned, knackered, trashed, wrecked and in all possible ways now utterly useless for the task it was originally designed.
So you have to ask yourself just how clever these packaging people really are. While the red mist is still in your eyes you curse their stupidity but, and there is a but. Is a master packaging designer so clever that they can construct a food wrapper that is strong enough to withstand a frenzied attack from a Polar bear yet so fragile that once the seal is broken it becomes useless at holding it's contents and there by forcing you to consume the whole product there and then otherwise it'll go off!
I want to raise a glass of cold milk, to toast these people, that has been poured from that new carton I bought yesterday. But, on second thoughts I think I'll save myself 20 minutes mopping up and go and wrestle with a video tape wrapper for an hour or two instead.
Some might say, "use a pair of scissors", but my careful and considered response is, "I am man, I am stronger, I will prevail!".
So, after a concerted effort to pull the bag apart at the top you then notice that tiny little 'nick' that suggests an easy way in.
Oh be steady my eager heart!
Now this is exactly the wrong moment to take the easy access route because you are still 'pumped' from wrestling with the brute-force approach and what should have been a gentle twist turns out to be a clumbsy yank and look where that gets you. Two thirds of the precious contents are now scattered across the floor and the packet they came from is, how shall I put it, binned, knackered, trashed, wrecked and in all possible ways now utterly useless for the task it was originally designed.
So you have to ask yourself just how clever these packaging people really are. While the red mist is still in your eyes you curse their stupidity but, and there is a but. Is a master packaging designer so clever that they can construct a food wrapper that is strong enough to withstand a frenzied attack from a Polar bear yet so fragile that once the seal is broken it becomes useless at holding it's contents and there by forcing you to consume the whole product there and then otherwise it'll go off!
I want to raise a glass of cold milk, to toast these people, that has been poured from that new carton I bought yesterday. But, on second thoughts I think I'll save myself 20 minutes mopping up and go and wrestle with a video tape wrapper for an hour or two instead.
